[Monday December 5th At 11:50PM] _holidayromance new one. friends only comment on it, and i'll add you if i want Torch the shovels!

[Saturday December 3rd At 9:52PM] i just fucking got into a car accident i'm not going to sleep for like a week and i need a cigarette 1 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Thursday December 1st At 12:27PM] 1) When Kristin died, I heard her scream & that scream--it was the most terrible sound I've heard in my life After that I prayed to every available higher being that I would never hear anything like that ever again -So the other night I'm flipping channels, and the news is on A video of a girl being hit by a car and screaming comes on 2) Since then, the only thing I can do to get myself to sleep at night is smoke cigarettes 3) I feel really disconnected from certain people I want to go to Michigan 4) Anorexia has pretty much taken over my life I've realized that it's stupid and I'm going to stop I'm actually going to try this time 5) Stopping will be quite difficult. Being that, most of my friends are selling me out 6) They all say they're there for me But they never actually are because "it's too dramatic" 7) This is all really really lame 1 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

alksjfdalsdfjalsjgdha;lsdjfalsdfkjalsdkfjihatethis [Sunday November 27th At 2:37PM] i look like a duck it looks bad i'm fat and that looks bad too kristin's sister sent me a bunch of photos and looking at them is way depressing i got stoned last night and watched willy wonka with tommy and kacy it was kind of crazy i eat too much i'm wearing 1s now rather than 0s and i effing hate it i'm confused i don't even know what's going on 3 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Tuesday November 22nd At 8:30PM] well, i've come to realize that in order to have low or bad self-esteem you must first have self-esteem i, however, do not have self-esteem i have a large forhead, my nose is crooked, my boobs are screwed up, my legs are too big for my body, i'm fat && i resemble a duck. i have an anxiety problem but i stopped taking anti-anxiety pills because i don't like being on meds this is all quite lame. but i love amanda. if you live in boca(aka siberia) i miss you tommy is amazing i suck at life. && i'm stupid 1 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Monday October 24th At 12:22AM] i have made an epiphany i now know why kris and i stopped talking a month ago and i also know why this is good when i'm with him, i become 14 again and we're sitting around having the same arguments over and over and they never change or go anywhere and we were in the exact same place for 2 years i'm proud of myself for this realization i know my calculus it says u + me = us it also says me + candice = shopping as well as me + amanda = brownies 1 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Sunday October 23rd At 8:44PM] i fucking hate staying home lame hurricane this week has been way cool though BUT i miss amanda. we need to hang out :( <333 1 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Thursday October 13th At 9:43PM] ( i got my hair didd ) 9 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Tuesday October 11th At 3:32PM] i'm going back to the nutritionist. that nutritionist will be the death of me. becuase once again, they will decide that i need a psychologist. how lovely [EDIT: nutritionist nutrition nazi] Torch the shovels!

[Monday October 10th At 3:52PM] i'm depressed off my ass however, nicole did help me feel slightly less insane. and alex's post was the best. but this sucks. 2 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

yeah so [Sunday October 9th At 7:26PM] my self esteem is nonexistant 1 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Wednesday October 5th At 9:34PM] I'm really sick of everyone's shit right now Well, most people I'm going over the edge I don't know how much more of this I can deal with Regardless to popular belief: 1) I don't have an eating disorder 2) I'm not that crazy && disliking being called another girl's name does not make you crazy and, 3) I'm actually do have feelings and emotions I'm taking serious blows to my self-esteem 6 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Monday October 3rd At 4:41PM] I lost 7 pounds :) I suppose I'll stop at 110 Maybe...it depends what size pants that puts me at This is a pain in the ass 1 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Monday October 3rd At 1:31PM] Three Names You Go By 1. Jackie 2. Soulmate 3. THE Jackie Three Parts of Your Heritage 1. German 2. Russian 3. Italian Three Things That Scare You 1. Staying in florida forever 2. Thunder 3. Not doing anything with my life Three of Your Everyday Essentials 1. Music 2. Food 3. Hugs Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now 1. Michigan Hoodie 2. Pink Sunglasses 3. Jeans Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists - at the moment 1. The Spill Canvas 2. Panic! at the Disco 3. Rise Against orrrr....Her Space Holiday Three of Your Favorite Songs - at the moment 1. I write Sins not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco 2. So Much-The Spill Canvas 3. Skeptics and True Believers - The Academy Is Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love) 1. Never feeling stupid 2. to feel safe 3. SEX (ashley and amanda say i'm a penis-feind) Two Truths and a Lie 1. i brush my teeth in the shower 2. i screw up a lot because i'm an idiot 3. i <33 pinecrest Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You 1. Eyes 2. Being funny 3. Smile Three of Your Favorite Hobbies 1. baking 2. riding my horse 3. going to shows Three Things You want to do really badly right now 1. shop 2. get money to shop with 3. get a boob job Three Places You Want to go on Vacation 1. California 2. Jersey 3. Germany/Holland Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die 1. Accomplish a few things that will remain nameless 2. Leave Florida 3. Just once not screw myself over Three Ways that you are stereotypically a Chick/Guy 1. i bake 2. i dislike the word fuck Three people I would like to see take this quiz 1. Candice 2. Amanda who already did it 3. Austin who already did it Torch the shovels!

[Sunday October 2nd At 11:19AM] Yeah well -Not eating and losing weight is getting more and more appealing every day. -This is another really bad time for me to start up on that -I don't really care -I want to go back in time about 4 months -4 months ago everything was fine -Now everything is fucked up -Because I'v been having a long chain of fucking things up -I don't like saying fuck -But I'll say it now -I'm even more confused than ever -Everything kind of sucks 2 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

i hate doctors [Saturday October 1st At 4:28PM] So from my doctors appointment last week, I'm apparently very underweight. I don't really give a shit. October 22 is going to suck. It will suck beyond suck. That didn't make sense. And again, I don't really give a shit. Torch the shovels!

[Monday September 26th At 8:19PM] I got into a huge fight with my dad I'm upset about how things are with my mom and some of my other family And he starts bitching at me. Because, oops--I forgot; This isn't about me I'm going to read over this in ten minutes and think of what a rash son of a bitch I am. EDIT: I think I'm a rash son of a bitch && a fat one at that I need to lose some weight But I still don't get how My feelings aren't about me Oh well. Shit happens I suppose 5 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

i definitely like photoshop way too much.. [Sunday September 18th At 1:34PM] ( More photos under cut ) 5 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Friday September 16th At 9:06PM] and i'm not so sure if i'm sure of anything anymore ^^stuck in my head I'm at Cinema Paradiso. My father and his girlfriend are insane. Since Monday until yesterday after nooon they would yell at me that I am anorexic, usually while I was eating. Then yesterday afternoon on the way out to the horse, I was eating Taco Bell and my dad starts bitching at me that I'm gaining weight and need to stop eating all the time. This morning they told me that my legs are too big for my body. Apparently I'm quite misproportioned. And somehow I don't really feel bothered by that. I just think they're both crazy. Amanda and I are baking hopefully on Sunday. THE END 2 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

[Thursday September 15th At 7:09PM] So, for the first time in a while I'm quite happy. Amanda, you already heard all of this but you're going to again. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm gonna be okay. Maybe I won't end up alone. Maybe I'll actually, you know, live past 18. Maybe I'll actually get out of SoFla. Maybe I won't end up like my mom. Maybe there actually is someone that loves me..I don't know who but..someone. Maybe I won't let being scared hold me back forever. Maybe this time I won't get screwed over. Maybe..I'll be okay. I actually have a best friend, and that also makes me way happy. For the first time since Kristin died I actually trust someone that I know won't turn on me, even when everyone else plays Blame Jackie. There's someone that's always there for me, no matter how stupid and unsubstantial my bullshit drama is. And she actually listens to me when I bitch about everything and nothing at the same time becuase I'm blocking everyone else out. ((I <3 amandablaize because she leads a feel good revolution, and she is my soulmate. And I also love baking)) ... I'm so cheesy when I'm happy. 5 torched the treasure! // Torch the shovels!

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